Last thoughts...before the departure.

Oftentimes we see difficult situations as something to avoid and run away from. That is how I felt in the past couple of days, just looking forward to running away from what I had to deal with in the 'here and now'. It really seemed like there was a constant attack coming at me from every angle, and so unnecessary, weakening me and weighting me down. It was that feeling that you just want to jump on the plane and let it take you far away and it did not matter where....in my case, that day was fast approaching and in many ways gave me a sense of relief. But one thing that I do not agree with is running away from my problems because that rarely solves them. So instead I asked God to show me what I needed to do or learn while I am still here, and began to pay attention.

Today turned out to be a day that started off as a huge mess, worse than yesterday! I felt like this project, that we are working on so hard, was falling apart and was going to fall through! I had to try really hard not to lose my cool and to remain calm and professional at work when certain people were being especially rude and disrespectful. At one point I had the desires to walk out and leave completely, but I didn't. Instead I went to my office and I was determined not to move and wait for God to let me know the next step. Every time I would get the urge to get up and go to check how things were running I refrained and stayed there, praying...

A while later the person who was causing all the turmoil came into my office and their attitude was a lot better. He was able to take responsibility for the way he approached the issues and we were able to have a conversation in a positive way. But that was not the best part. The best part was when a friend of mine came in, whom I have not seen in months, and helped me out a lot in the ministry with the youth. She came to volunteer her time today to assist with this outreach project we are working on. So, we started to talk in my office and the Lord was giving us an opportunity to share our hearts in a very deep way. I learned about the struggles she is facing in her marriage and I was able to pray with her and God allowed me to share my story with her and everything that has been going on; how much the Lord was revealing His presence to me in many ways recently, about this trip and everything that it meant to me. This was very encouraging to her, but more so to me!

 In that moment of sharing, the Lord told me that no matter what I am feeling right now and the frustration I am experiencing, He is there and He got this! He showed me this morning that it was ok for me to step back because the people He provided to carry out the vision for this project are ordained by Him and it was time to relinquish control. He revealed to me that there are things that He wants me to do, like having time to listen to my friend and being there to pray with her and encourage her through the sharing of my story.

I realized that if it was not for the conflict earlier I would not have been in my office waiting for something...waiting to be used by Him in her life.And here is what I was being reminded of...that we tend to press on and push our own way to get some things done for God, but He has another plan for us. This was the last thing that I had to learn before my trip - that when I feel like I am stuck or want to run away I need to stop, pray and wait for Him to make a move, that troubles are a way of God getting our attention. As a matter of fact, in James 1:3 the trials and tests are said to be our friends that prove our faith which helps us not to give up. "Learn well how to wait so that you will be strong and complete and in need of nothing" (verse 4)

 In essence, my going away message is clear, learning well how to wait as God continues to bring everything to completion...